Dani's Day

I just got off the phone with JT. Apparently today was long and boring. Tomorrow is supposed to be long and boring too. Bummer. He seemed pretty tired and couldn't talk long because it was light's out in a few minutes and he has to be up at 4 for his physical and such.

I spent my day pouring my heart out to Marisol. There's just so much that I can't stop thinking about. I'm trying my best to see all the good in this but there's so much that I see that's just not okay with me. It feels like all the decisions were made for me without even consulting me. And now I just have to sit back and deal with it. JT said we'll talk about it tomorrow but man...I'm so emotionally drained.

I guess I'm gonna use this post to explain how we got here. JT and I have known each other since our freshman year of high school and have liked each other since we first met. Most of you know the story of how we got together (feel free to ask me if you don't...). We had been dating for almost two years when he tells me he's joining the Navy. Now, keep in mind I do NOT agree with how the government runs our military. Totally support the troops, they're strong people with even stronger families. But as far as how and where the government decides to move our troops and use them...uh uh. Not okay with it at all. JT knew all this. About a week after he tells me he's joining he asks me to marry him. Our entire premarital counseling it was a long conversation about how the heck we're gonna do this. We're still having this conversation. And there's still no real closure on the issue for either of us.

So far, I'm not convinced it's that great. Everytime I've gone into the recruiter's office with them I've been treated pretty badly. The captain in there flat out lied to me: "No worries, he'll never use a gun." Uh...first of all, JT's been shooting for years. Second of all, YES HE WILL! That's about the first thing they do in boot camp. Don't insult my intelligence. On top of that the captain was trying to convince me that his wife has no problem bending her entire schedule for him (he kept offering to see us at all these different times insisting, even though his wife had a job, that she'd be willing to be there whenever he wanted her there). I'm sorry, don't women deserve a little respect too? Now they've got my personal identification papers which I am NOT comfortable with. They're the military, they have those records!!! Why do they need the actual forms? I'm sorry but if the mailman is willing to steal fabric that I send to people I can't see recruiters having a problem with stealing my identity. Mind you, I was told they'd just need to scan it and they'll give it right back. The minute I handed it over: "Oh yeah, we'll have to keep this overnight." ARG!!!

I'm not liking the disrespect at all. But of course, I'm just the wife in their mind. Don't the families deserve a little more respect since they're the ones who can tell their husbands not to join or, worse yet, leave their husbands for this? You'd think they'd want to ENCOURAGE and CONVINCE families to let their loved ones join. Thus far, they've given me even more reason not to want JT to join. I really don't want him turning into these people. He's already changed throughout this whole process. How much more, and in what direction, will he change during boot camp? At A-school? Will I even recognize him when I see him again after a few months of being apart? Will he recognize me?

I don't mean to sound whiny or like a jerk. There's a lot I'm not saying (but that is reserved for a few specific people, so the rest of ya'll can suffer). But right now...this isn't exactly something I'd wish upon anyone, not even my enemies (though I hope I don't have any of those!).