Doctor Vs Patient

* Doctor - Are you SUUUUUUUUURE you don't have body issues? You're not dieting or watching what you eat?

* Patient - YES. I'm fine. I know I'm skinny. I could eat a horse and still be hungry. I'm not anorexic or bulimic or anything else you think I am.

* Doctor - Well, I'm going to test that juuuuuuuust in case.

Patient = FAIL.

* Doctor - Have you been taking your Vitamin D?

* Patient - Yes, not not as much as you told me to. It was making me nauseus for hours so I slowly cut down. Now I'm only taking 100% instead of 2000%.

* Doctor - Yes, but you were REALLY deficient.

* Patient - I live in Oregon. Duh.

* Doctor - I'm going to make you take another Vitamin D test juuuuuuuuust in case we need to put you back on again.

Patient = FAIL...although secretly she's winning because when the blood tests happen she's going to refuse the Vitamin D one.

* Doctor - Are you pregnant?

* Patient - No.

* Doctor - You stopped taking your birth control.

* Patient - Yeah, because it was screwing up my system. But that's what condoms are for.

* Doctor - I'm still going to give you a pregnancy test. You may have juuuuuuust had your period but I clearly don't trust you and think you're a liar and insist that you take all these meaningless tests because it puts more money in my pocket. Meanwhile, we still have no clue what's wrong with you and that's your fault because, again, you are cleeeeeeeeearly lying.

Patient = TICKED OFF.

As you can tell, I'm feeling a lot of anger towards my ridiculous doctor. She seems to think that I'm causing myself to be sick by being pregnant/anorexic/stubborn instead of realizing that since there are NO signs of any of those (except the stubborn but I'm sorry, this isn't chemo. It's a vitamin. If it makes me sick and doesn't make me feel better I won't take it) and thus maybe what's wrong with me isn't self-inflicted. Once these tests are done I'll go back to her one more time but I swear if she makes me do another preggo test or insists that I have body issues or dares to get frustrated at me for not taking an expensive blood test when we both already know the answer, so help me, I will kick her in the spoot and find someone else who isn't a whack job.